When someone isn’t meeting your needs…

It’s tough!

If someone you depend on isn’t able to be there for you in the way you need them to be, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship. By reevaluating the relationship, I don’t mean drop the person out of your life (at least for most cases).

Why is it that they cannot meet your needs?

In most cases, people will answer because “they don’t care,” or “they aren’t trying.”  Let’s take a closer look here. If someone really and truly doesn’t care to meet the needs of people that depend on them, then I would say they are at a level of consciousness that doesn’t allow them to be dependable.  If someone communicates that they care about your needs, but they are still unable to meet them, again they are at a place in their life where they are unable to do so (literally, or maybe just emotionally). In either case, the person is unable–whatever the reason may be.

So what should you do?

Well, most of us get frustrated, angry, and take it out on that person. That’s definitely not going to incentivize any positive change in the situation. So then what? Have compassion. Yes, compassion for the person that isn’t meeting your needs. Compassion because they are at a certain stage in their lives, or conscious evolution that does not allow them to. I’ve found when I can remember to do this, it melts away my anger and I am empowered to move forward. Moving forward is an important second step. It means either meeting your own needs, or finding another who is able to. This is easy to write, much harder to practice. But, hey, even love is a discipline. You can do it. While you are at it, have compassion for yourself too.

In sum, 1. accept the situation; 2. have compassion; 3. move forward.

After all, I think the Dalai Lama said this–Compassion is the great radicalism of our time.